When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
