Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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