I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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