I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
