I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
