i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
