Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
