Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He has the fingertips of a God
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