Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
