He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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