God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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