drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
