Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
