he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
