we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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