these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
