hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
