hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
