Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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