Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Someone shattered a urinal.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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