After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
