i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
