her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
