I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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