I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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