3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
