Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
