i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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