Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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