i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
