Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
