the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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