I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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