Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
