I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
