dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
