I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think a kid would responsible me up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
