It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
