your thong is hanging out like whoa
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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