Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
