you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
