he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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