The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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