No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
