brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
