I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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