Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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