I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
