So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
