I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
