Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
