Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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