Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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