I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
