Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
